I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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