You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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