you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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