i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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