we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
