I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize