do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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