That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize