WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
please don't ironically join a cult
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