I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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