Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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