He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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