Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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