There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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