This is not my ceiling
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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