Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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