Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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