Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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