So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize