remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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