I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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