Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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