If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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