Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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