so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize