The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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