He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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