The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize