literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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