ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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