I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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