phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize