You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize