Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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