we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize