Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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