He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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