hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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