I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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