I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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