It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize