im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize