you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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