She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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