He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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