How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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