I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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