I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize