I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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