My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize