Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i will never coherently bang her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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